a spec of time
restricted by this limitless space
a star which only shines
in the right galaxy
once in a life
one in a million
one day i just might
collide with my brilliance
I've been taking seroquel for more than 8 years now. For the first 5 years I took seroquel with other mood stabilizers such as abilify, lamictal, risperdal and more. Seroquel has been the most effective medicine for me to stable my bipolar disorder. After taking seroquel for more than 5 years I was first introduced to seroquel XR. It's an extended release of seroquel which makes you less drowsy in the morning. I didn't know I had to take this medicine 2 hours before bed time at first so I took it 30 minutes prior to going to sleep, like how I did with regular seroquel. I couldn't fall a sleep for while and since I already took it late at night, the next morning I felt more sleepy. Because of that, I didn't like the first experience. The next time I saw my doctor I told her I didn't like it so we took it off and went back to regular seroquel for while. After one year my doctor suggested seroquel XR again but this time she told me to take it 2 hours before my actual bed time. I hesitated at first because of my bad experience, but I decided to give it a try again. This medicine kicked in as soon as I took it! However, it wouldn't make me sleepy right away like normal seroqule. It actually gave me between 2 to 2.5 hours before it made me feel like going to sleep. The next morning I felt less sleepy. I really liked having extra time at night and less tiredness in the morning. I felt like a normal person this time. I've been on seroquel XR for 3 years and I love how it works in my brain. I would not go back to regular seroquel.
The Heart Connection
This is for my lovely sister Caroline, with love….
January 2nd, 2007. 3:05 P.M. It was a frigid day in January. I came back home from school. The house was dark and quiet and it made me unnerved. As always, I left my backpack on my desk and wanted to take a nap. Caroline, my sister, was lying on my bed; she did that often, so I lay down with her. Tic-toc, tic-toc…. I was listening to the sound of clock ticking. Suddenly, I was surrounded by fear. Caroline didn’t make any sounds except an occasional pant. I tried to wake her up, but it didn’t work. Immediately, I grabbed my phone with my hands shaking. I called my dad and described Caroline, and he told me to go to the emergency room. As fast as I could, I took her to the emergency room. The chubby lady at the front desk with pink cheeks, thick-framed glasses, and wrinkles told me to wait to be called. I was frustrated and I thought, “I can not wait. Caroline is dying.” It was the reason why I had gone to the emergency room. I felt like crying, but I had to control my emotions until I knew she was okay.
August 30th, 2010. 8:30 A.M. The new school year was starting, and it was my first year of college. My school was small, with fewer than a hundred students. Second-year students seemed to know each other very well. I too wanted to be friend the students in my class. I saw a girl with a beautiful smile named Heather Applewhite. I said, “Hello,” and she ignored me. When she walked away, I didn’t have a good impression of her.
January 2nd, 2007. 5:00 P.M. The doctor was putting black liquid charcoal in Caroline’s mouth. It looked just like toothpaste. He said it would take the toxins out of her body, and she would be awake in 24 hours. The doctor also said she might have a little brain damage. Whatever it would take, I wanted my little sister to be O.K. I held her hand, and it felt like ice. I was so worried as I was holding her freezing hand.
September 13th, 2010. 10:20 A.M. In my 2D Design class, our first project was due, and we were having it critiqued. My project got selected as the best piece, and the professor was impressed with it. I was very proud of myself because I had worked so hard on it. Heather did a great job too, but her name didn’t get called. In class, I felt as if Heather were staring at me; I was not sure why, so I ignored that sense. After a while, she walked out of the classroom.
January 2, 2007. 7:30 P.M. My parents arrived and the nurses wanted to ask my parents why Caroline tried to kill herself. My family knew she was dealing with depression. My mom and I had taken her to a depression clinic, when Caroline had showed symptoms about six months prior. The doctor had seemed like he was just interested in money. The medicine that the doctor prescribed for Caroline cost $600 a month. It was a ridiculously high price, but my dad paid for it anyway. Caroline also thought it was too expensive. Later, Caroline told me she thought everything would be okay if just she disappeared. Our family would no longer have to deal with economic problems, and would have a happier life. She was wrong. My mom and I told about these stories, and the nurse wanted to examine Caroline.
March 21, 2011. 12:20 P.M. It was lunchtime. Heather approached me and started to tell me some personal stories. They were too personal, and I thought we were not close enough to share deep stories. I tried to listen to her, but at the same time my mind was somewhere else. Heather stopped talking and stared at me for about ten seconds. “Is something wrong?” I wondered. Then she left without saying anything. Awkward.
January 2, 2007. 9:52 P.M. I asked my parents to go home and get some sleep. I turned the light off in Caroline’s room and I grabbed her hand. I felt secure because her hand was warm.
I felt her soul.
I promised myself I would never let Caroline go. I let my emotions escape and finally cried. It was a heartbreaking moment. I cried and cried until my eyes were swollen. The room was really cold which I realized how my heart would have to be, with no emotion, to help Caroline fight the depression.
August 29, 2011. 3:10 P.M. A new school year was starting. I greeted my friends. Ashton approached me and said “Hello,” with a gloomy face. Ashton worked at the school store and knew every one in school, even the janitors. I wondered why he had that face. I asked, “What’s up?” He talked about Heather. She had attempted suicide in earlier August. She did not survive.
January 3, 2007. 4:30 A.M. My mom came back to the hospital as soon as it was open. Caroline had finally gotten up too. Mom and I were grateful. Mom didn’t ask Caroline why she had tried to kill herself, but she hugged her and told her how much she loved her. I was really sad to watch my mom’s pain. How she felt about Caroline. I was heartbroken because I felt the same way.
August 29, 2011. 6:30 P.M. I was thinking about Heather and Caroline and depression. I could no longer do anything for Heather, but I could continue to support Caroline with my whole heart. I thought about Heather’s family, inconsolable. I had thought that I would have a special ability to figure out who was fighting depression, but I had been wrong. I had not been able to figure Heather out. I should have listened to Heather instead of pretending to listen. There is no connecting of the heart when pretending to listen. From now on, I will try harder to listen to my friends’ problems with heart. And for Caroline too.
I am very happy to announce that I have official home page for my book "My Friend Bipolar" Address is going to be www.myfriendbipolar.com I will have most recent updates, press release and extra story in this website.. I am trying to write blogs more often! Please click the button below to visit this website! I wish this can help to get connect with readers and anybody who is interested to learn more about bipolar disorder or any mental illness. I would love to help!